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I revisited the 'Premarital Counseling' story to view the manner in which Lauri & Terry addressed the subject of emotional needs and desires in that story's setting.

As a man I identify strongly with the concept of a 'Love Bank' into which a married couple make deposits.

When a couple marry, they both promise to care for each other. But they have to learn to care for each other the right way, or that love for each other has the potential to diminish.
 
To care for each other the right way, they must learn to make large 'Love Bank' deposits through to meeting each other's most important emotional needs and desires.
 
This is an aspect that I felt is missing from that 'Premarital Counseling' story... a comment about emotional needs... and the fact that these needs are seldom created equally.

When some needs are met, one may only feel comfortable.. they make small 'Love Bank' deposits. There are others, however, that can make one feel euphoric... being the largest 'Love Bank' deposits of all.

Emotional needs could be: love; respect; trust; commitment; admiration; affection; companionship; honesty and openness; meaningful conversation; household support; financial support; empathy; sexual fulfillment.
 
Everyone is unique. The hierarchy of a woman's emotional needs and desires will likely be the reverse of her husband's emotional needs.

A man and a woman embark on married life with the expectation that their emotional needs and desires will be met throughout that marriage.
 
Therefore it is important for each individual to identify the hierarchy of his/her partner's emotional needs and desires from the outset of their relationship. Once those needs and desires are identified, he/she can set about the task of learning how to meet those requirements.... how to make the largest deposits possible into that marriage's 'Love Bank'.

Hello, Geoff.

Thank you for sharing about your elder son's wedding.  As I read what the officiant shared, I commended the challenge made to the bride and groom to make a commitment to LOVE.  It is a choice, one that needs to be re-affirmed daily.  Love IS a choice!

However, I had some real difficulty in the first paragraph of the officiant's wedding service comments, aligning it to what the Bible has to say about love between husband and wife.

Here is what the officiant said:

Marriage is not a romantic ride. Forget romance. Romance is for courtship and dating, and in the days of arranged marriages, it was also for extra-marital affairs. Romance novels end with the couple getting married. Or at least they used to. Now days they end with the couple hopping into bed. But the moral of the story is the same either way - that's the end of romance. Forget romance. That's behind you.

I absolutely DO agree that love is deeper than romance.  Romance is experienced continually during the wooing period of pre-marital dating.  And, it certainly does not insure a successful relationship.  But, listen to what Exphesians 5:25-33 says:

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (love sacrificially, to the point of death);... So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies (love wife and cherish her as much as you take care of your own body and needs).  He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:... Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

As I read the above passage, we are reminded that God created the man and the woman distinctly different in their needs.  The wife needs to feel cherished and adored, while the husband needs to feel reverenced and respected.  It is a shame that we understand each other so little that we have to be reminded in the Bible to respect our husbands and to cherish our wives.

Ok, so our wives need to be cherished and adored.  What does that mean?  I believe it means ROMANCE!  (Just as a thought, ask ANY wife if she would love for her husband to "romance" her.  I would imagine that you would be hard-pressed to find even ONE that didn't want this re-affirmation of her husband's love and adoration!)

I have been reading the Song of Solomon in the Bible recently.  It is the most romantic and erotic book imaginable.  It was written partially by King Solomon and partly by his Shulamite bride.  It speaks of adoring each other and sexual intimacy (Song of Solomon 2:3, believed by most teachers of the Bible to refer to oral sex), being brought to the banqueting house with a love banner (Song of Solomon 2:4), speaking to wives about how loved, cherished and adored they are (Song of Solomon 4:9).  Solomon tells his wife how fragrant she smells (S of S 4:10) and she speaks of his bodily attractiveness (S of S, chapter 5).  But, even more... in chapter 3, it tells of Solomon's Shulamite bride pursuing him.  This is the most romantic book EVER written!

There is a website called Romance Between the Lines (romancebetweenthelines.com) that truly grasps the concept of ROMANCE WITHIN MARRIAGE.  Even their opening paragraphs of the website give proper place to romance within the context of marriage.  (How many marriages have failed because each spouse doesn't take the time to plan romance that makes each other feel cherished?!)

I agree with the pastor's comments about LOVE being priority in growing a marriage.  To my understanding, however, romance is a by-product of REAL love within marriage.   I believe that even God proves romance is important.  After all the greatest love letter ever written is called The Bible, which is God's romantic love letter to us!

 

Hmmm truly interesting. I j hadnt thought of marriage quite that way.  Gives me food for thought.  There are times we dont  go to bed together b ut when the other does come to bed whether it be him or me, the one thats already in bed  snuggles next to the one just coming to bed.

But this post does give me ood for thought. Thanks

* wanders off to contimplate what was just read

Hey there Jesusandwe2 And bill of course, how are you? Sorry i have been absent for so long been working on a  few things.  Like writing stories for the the site site . I will try to  be around more Nice meeting you

I was in for a pleasant surprise when I attended the marriage of my elder son at St Peter's Lutheran Church, Hobart Tasmania, Australia.

Here is an extract from the marriage service delivered on this occasion by Pastor Ben Mogg:


"Marriage is not a romantic ride. Forget romance. Romance is for courtship and dating, and in the days of arranged marriages, it was also for extra-marital affairs. Romance novels end with the couple getting married. Or at least they used to. Now days they end with the couple hopping into bed. But the moral of the story is the same either way - that's the end of romance. Forget romance. That's behind you.

Go for love. Don't just skip along the surface of love, like a flat stone on a shallow lake. Swim in the deep end. Give us a real marriage to look at. We need it. Don't play the role of husband and wife. This is real. Draw on each other's strength and work and play and worship together. Don't settle for anything less. Give us a real marriage. God knows our society needs a few.

Do you guys realise that you only need two pieces of furniture to have a marriage - a bed and a table?

Everything else is optional. You don't need a TV or a stereo or a Lazy Boy recliner. But you do need a Bed and a Table. A place to eat together and a place to sleep together, whatever else you may do. Those are the places of communion in a marriage, where the liturgy of marriage goes on, where husband and wife commune with each other, where the marriage really takes place.

When couples come to me for a tune up because their marriage doesn't seem to be getting the mileage it used to, I've learned to ask two simple diagnostic questions: Do you eat together? Do you go to bed at the same time, presumably to the same bed? And the answer is usually no. Or hardly ever. No communion. It's like a Christian who never prays, never sings a hymn to Christ, never shows up at Jesus' table except for Christmas and Easter. In the military they call it AWOL. Don't go AWOL on your marriage. Tend to your Bed and your Table. Eat together. Pray together. Sleep together. Talk. Commune.

You'll notice the words communication and communion have the same root. Most marriages don't need more communication. Often when couples communicate more, they discover how much they truly dislike each other. Marriages don't need communication, they need communion. The best marriage talk is pillow talk and table talk. So guard your Bed and your Board like a hawk. Don't let anything or anyone interfere."


Hearing such fundamental language expressed in this marriage ceremony was such a refreshing experience for me.

Hello all.

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Well, I think it's high time I gave you all a reminder of some romance.

Guys -

 - Take your wife on a spur of the moment evening walk out. I recommend a sunset walk, they're so beautiful to look at.

 - Surprise her with something unexpected. For some that may be coming home early, flowers, bringing home the groceries, you know your wives, think on it and see what you come up with.

 - A spur of the moment picnic (weather permitting) I know I'd love that. 

 - Taking her out to the mall (OK I think my fantasies are leaking in here  )

 - Sing in the shower, or anywhere, as loudly as you can about her so that she can hear you.  :


Girls 

 - Leave a sexy article of your clothing around so he'll find it.

 - Little love notes are always so cute, it'll bring a smile to his face at the very least.

 - Watching a romantic movie with him wearing his favorite outfit that he likes to see on you.

 - Playing innocent....about anything I do it all the time, he knows I'm not.....'innocent.' So I pretend to be innocent and that makes him laugh, in turn it also makes him......well, you know

 - Leave him sexy voice messages.....unless he works for the FBI or something

 - A massage always relaxes my husband, try one of those on your man after a long day's work.



Alright, all these ideas are getting me motivated, so if you'll excuse me.........


See you soon

Aaah, sweet, sweet Valentine's Day, and it's the second one for this forum too. I expect everyone will be having their own plans of some sorts. What's on your agenda?

Flowers in the morning?
Candlelit meal for two?
A night out at your favorite restaurant?

Well whatever it is hope your Valentine's Day will be as interesting as mine, my anniversary happens to fall two days before the day, which is today! Today is my anniversary and love is definitely in the air. So go on, have fun, and make this Feb 14th one you'll remember.

Serenity

I've noticed, especially during the Christmas time of year that they show a lot of romantic, heart warming movies, the kind that bring a tear to your eye. Yes, I've seen them too, and it does tug at the heart strings.

So, assuming you're at home when it's cold so you end up watching TV, what are some of the romantic seasonal movies you've seen? If you tell me yours I'll tell you mine.

And PLEASE, respond. There's hardly been any contribution to this forum, let's make Bill Quinn proud.

Serenity.

I have also found that to be true. Some years ago, my wife and her sister took turns taking care of their mother in her own home. I often thought that those times we were apart really did make the heart grow fonder.

Bill

When your spouse has to leave for a period of time, do you find that this actually helps or improves the marriage? Because when they're away it feels longer than they've been gone, and when they come back it feels like you're two young lovers who are finally able to see each other. Although we don't want to admit it, a little separation can be good for the marriage because you appreciate each other more. I guess that means we take a lot for granted that we need to be reminded of what we have.

Just something I thought I'd share, if anyone else has any views, feel free to reply to this post.